With the holidays coming, here's a fruitcake recipe that will help take the stress out of this normally stressful time. Fruitcake 1 cup water 1 cup sugar 4 large eggs 2 cups dried fruit 1 tsp salt 1 cup brown sugar 3 oz lemon juice 1 cup nuts 1 gallon Vodka First, sample the vodka to check for freshness. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour 1 level cup of the vodka and drink it. Repeat. Repeat again. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add water, eggs and 1 tsp sugar and beat again. Make sure the vodka is still ok. Cry another tup. Turn off mixers. Chuck in the cup of dried fruit or something. Mix on the turner. If the dried fruit gets struck on the beaters, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the vodka to check for tansistancity. Next, sniff two cups of salt or something. Who cares? Check the vodka. Now, sniff the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one tablespoon of sugar or something. Whatever. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Whip the bowl out the window. Check the vodka again. Go to bed. Who the heck likes fruitcake anyway?